I took a sabbatical, because I felt empty after years of performance. I now feel fresh and fruity again. Here some thoughts of reflection.

Over the last couple of years I really tried to change the theatre-laws and let them shake in their foundations. I had a mission like Antonin Artaud who screamed on stage from his guts: I exist, therefore I am. And thus from an inner source I broke the fourth wall down, I hit nails into the theatre walls, climbed over red flagships seats of the theatre, put the public into the lights and myself into the dark, I was using water on the theatre floor, oblivious and blind to the allowable laws , because I was tight on schedule with my thoughts and feelings what theatre should be about; no stories from A to Z, but life itself, elusive and real; raw, tender, unpolished and at times uncomfortable, but beautiful. Adored by some, reviled by others, I became empty.

Now I hear my thoughts again without interfering and this is where I am:

MY SONG OF SOLOMON:

I dream the streets of pearl
the rivers of glistering silver
where the herons land on
with their slender legs
to eat voluntary prey

I dream the people invisible
till my love is strong enough
to stretch the despair with laughter
out of his cramping position

so the instilled sacrifice falls suddenly onto the floor
while cheerful demons hopping from under the earth
to inhabit the world.

I dream the cows at the stable
the pigs in their sty
the emitted little lamb
the horse and cart in a forgotten time
with lemonade and bottled beer
in the drawer of the cart
while sitting beside my father
when he was still a hero

I pick up the thread from
before the false start and
dream myself a better world
and don’t look back…..

Neel, July '10